Behold the faces of death



Awwww, how cute.

NO! DO NOT BE FOOLED! Behold, the faces of death!

At the beginning of December we adopted two cats from a local rescue centre, a kitten and its mother, originally called Punk and Folly, now renamed Harry and Molly.

Look how cute they are. Snuggled together.

Behind such innocence lies the beating hearts of killers, and the worrying thing is I reckon I’m next in the firing line.

We can’t let them out, yet, until we’ve had Harry *whispers* done, so at the moment they’re confined to the downstairs of the house.

Which is the problem.

Or was the problem.

For Caramel.

Caramel was our much-loved, nutjob of a hamster who’d walk upside down along the underside of the top of the cage, throw stuff out and make the most God almighty racket while you were watching telly. Caramel was, without a doubt, a hamster with a lot of character. If such small creatures can have a lot of anything.

I remember my first experience with Caramel, previously called Gingerbelle, and how we all laughed as she bit my finger, shat in my hand and ran off along the sofa. In time however she became a loving companion to us all, in her cage on top of one of the storage units in the living room, doing power pull ups from her bars like some hardened jailbird doing a twenty year stretch.

Sadly these power pull ups didn’t help her when push came to shove.

A week after Harry and Molly’s arrival my beauty sleep was broken by Red saying “I need your help.”

In the days preceding the cats had taken an ever-growing interest in Caramel. Both had stared at her, transfixed, licking their lips. while she went about her hamstery business. Both had, at times, leapt up to Caramel’s cage and playfully clawed it while… erm, licking their lips.

Both cats were told firmly “no” and shooed away from the cage. I had also conversed with them at length about the nature of our house and how peaceful coexistence was needed for us to be a harmonious unit. I also told Caramel I had her back.

On the morning my assistance was needed the cats had, somehow, opened the door of the kitchen and got into the living room, ransacking the hamster cage. Sawdust was on the floor, the cage was overturned and pulled apart and the hamster was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t need to be Gil Grissom to work out what had gone on. I hoped that dear sweet Caramel was hiding in a corner somewhere, safe and out of the reaches of these ferocious felines, but I braced myself for the worst.

Red was crying, she felt it was her fault as she’d put the cats into the kitchen the night before and somehow they’d escaped “We need to find the hamster.” I felt sad too as I told that little thing I had it’s back, and you NEVER leave a man behind.

I looked around and then I heard an “oh no, she’s behind the door” as Red had found the hamster, very much behind the door, euphemistically speaking. Dead. I turned my head slowly, expecting claret all over the gaff and insides to be outside but Caramel was simply lying on the floor. At peace.

It was before the school run so the news was broken to the 9-year-old hamster owner. There was some sadness but it was dealt with suprisingly quickly, and I went about clearing up the mess, making sure that Caramel didn’t get sucked up into the Dyson.

Later that day I found our much-loved pet a final resting spot. RIP Caramel Gingerbelle. You will be missed. But it did make me wonder if all passings might be dealt with so glibly. I mean, I don’t expect a great deal of care in my old age if I have to remind them to feed their Tamagotchi every day. What will happen when I’ve joined Caramel in The Great Cage in The Sky? Will the words “Oh well, we can get another one from the pet shop” be mentioned when I’ve shuffled off this mortal coil?

I guess it’s not surprising that the cats killed the hamster. Cats and small rodent things don’t get on. I’ve seen Tom and Jerry so I know the score. The thing is that I’m a little worried as we can’t explain how they got from one room to the other. Of course, a loss of a much-loved pet is terribly sad but there’s something else that’s on my mind; cats can do this if you’re not giving them enough attention. Big thanks to @mlaransom75 for alerting me to this gem.


Also, we must have cats with opposable thumbs. Cats that can work out locked doors. Cats that are…

What’s that noise? I’m writing this in a locked room but I can see… What. Wait! What’s going on? The lock. It’s… The door handle. It’s… it’s turning. It’s…

If you’re reading this… send help. Help me. Send help now, please. Before it’s too….


Thanks for reading







  1. John Clayton

    I’ve got 2 cats, have done for more than 20 years now. Not the same 2, mind you, that would be weird. No, like Arkwright’s broom we’ve replaced casualties along the way, topping back up to 2 as required. There are 2 schools of thought… One is that they truly are evil incarnate and yet we let them into our houses without a moment’s thought in order that they can slaughter us in our sleep. That they’re actually snakes wearing specially designed bodysuits, descendants of the Serpent that tempted Eve. The other is that they’re there to defend our homes from the Evils of the world. Not sure how Hamsters are involved in Evil and nefarious plots, but there must be a link somewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve had a few cats over the years and prefer the idea that they’re here to protect us. In essence, I’m on their side as they’re in charge.
      Thanks for reading and for your comment. 🙂


  2. I’m happy that I have dogs, with the exception of the pooing in the backyard, they are still far friendlier then cats.


    • I’m a cat man, always have been, mainly because I don’t get dogs and think walking is a bit overrated, but these two cats TERRIFY me. I might get a snake. Thanks for your comment. 🙂


  3. Poor Caramel! 😦
    I’d sleep with one eye open if I were you, Spencer…
    Sounds like you have the Bonnie & Clyde of the cat world at your gaff!


  4. We are cat people here as well and proud to share our home with a rescue tortie-tabby. When asked if I’d like to look after my nephew’s fish during a recent holiday my reply was simply, “Only if you want to return to an empty tank.” Never underestimate a cat’s ingenuity… they are incredibly resourceful and if I were you, I’d definitely sleep with one eye open with two clever felines in the house!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: